


I Hate My Friends

by DeiXIV



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Ascian, Elezen, Hate Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:31:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6941854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeiXIV/pseuds/DeiXIV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elidibus comes around to the Great Gubal Library to hang out with his favorite sex friend Urianger and decides to bully him a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate My Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Witness me as I completely butcher Old English… or whatever English Urianger speaks in. Big shoutout to Zephi-chan for helping me get a scenario going :’D Also, do NOT HAVE ANAL SEX WITHOUT LUBE YOU SINNERS OKAY I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
> 
> And for those curious about the title- this was a not-so-anonymous tumblr prompt I got shortly after telling a Certain Someone about my loathsome relationship with this ship.

               It was the same old scene at the same old library surrounded by the same old tomes that were read by the same old Elezen who would soon be interrupted by that same old Ascian. It always ended up like this when Urianger got too lost in his books. Elidibus would appear, say his usual thing, they’d engage in their usual dance, and Urianger could be left on his own again.

               Theirs was an alliance forged by pure need. The wheels of fate were turning most splendidly, and they needed each other’s aid to see their similar goals were met. Truthfully, neither could say they were particularly happy about this arrangement- which is why the masked man proposed a bit of “fun” every so often.

               This so-called “fun” was something the Archon found terribly loathsome, but Elidibus was persistent. Usually, he’d simply cave unto his will until the Ascian found himself satisfied so he could get his peace back as soon as possible… or at least, that’s how he convinced himself to think. As one would expect, Urianger was not one to partake of the flesh too terribly often, so the company of the white Ascian grew into something of an addiction over time. Still, the man would maintain his usual composure whenever he arrived.

               “Really now? This again?” And there he was. Urianger kept his gaze fixed upon the tome in his hands, taking care to mark the page before he inevitably dropped it. “Have you stopped once today? ‘Tis most unhealthy for you mortals to go long without nourishment, is it not?” Urianger didn’t even need to look at the Ascian- he could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

               “Thou needest not feign concern for mine well-being, Emissary. I knoweth by now, thou journeyed hither with ill-intentions.” Not once did he tear away his gaze. He heard a sigh behind him.

               “’Ill-intentions’? Is that what you have taken to calling our meetings? Truly you are as chaste as when you arrived, Archon.” No response. Normally this was the part when Elidibus would take matters into his own hands, but something seemed… different. Just what was he up to now? “Truly, the dedication to your cause is nothing short of inspiring, but what has it cost you? Need I remind you what happened to your companion at the hands of Lahabrea when he refused to rest?” Still no response. Clearly he was trying to strike a nerve, but it wasn’t working. “…or mayhap you could reflect on what could have been? You _did_ lose your chance at that _girl_ , did you not?” Almost reflexively, he turned his head at last.

               “So much time lost, so few words said… so little time to take her in your arms. ‘Tis a pity, really. Mayhap if you had so much but acknowledged her truest feelings, she wou-“ A book slamming shut cut Elidibus off before he could finish.

               Urianger turned to face him at last. Though it was difficult to read his expression through the dimmed light and the obstructing goggles he wore, his tone of voice and grit teeth were enough to display his fury. “Thou shalt not speaketh of her in such a disgraceful manner.”

               The smirk upon Elidibus’ face only grew. “You know my words to be true.” He shrugged. “Even so, you do not intend to do anything about it, correct? What _can_ you do? She has already passed.”

               The tome hardly had time to reach the floor before the Ascian was pinned to a nearby bookshelf. Elidibus could practically feel Urianger’s unseen glare as the shorter of the two was hoisted up by the front of his robes. “If thou hath only come hither to invoke mine wrath, then thou hast succeeded.”

               “Do not forget yourself, Archon. Need I remind you what happens to those who lay hands upon an Emissary?” It was already too late for that now, wasn’t it? With hands now shaking in anger, he threw Elidibus to the ground with only another bookshelf to cushion his fall. He coughed from the impact, but still managed a chuckle. “Good. Now why don’t you-“

               A hand clutched his throat, the impact sounding with an echoing slap. So Elidibus thought him chaste, did he? Even after submitting himself so many times before? Well that would change today. White trousers were quickly removed and discarded. Surprisingly, the Ascian did not put up much of a fight- more than anything, he seemed taken aback at the sudden turn of events.

               Urianger did little to prepare him; he did not care if it hurt or not. Hells, maybe some pain would teach him a lesson. So he did thrust into Elidibus with reckless abandon. A clawed hand came to grasp the wrist of the hand that still clung to his throat and choked cries did follow. Books fell from the shelves with the increasing impacts, but the cries soon turned strangely joyous. Urianger was surprised to see that gods-damned grin return to the mouth of the Ascian. Was he actually enjoying this?

               It didn’t even matter. Despite where things went, Urianger felt surprisingly good finally dominating the dreadful Emissary. However, he would not give him the satisfaction of spilling his seed inside. Instead, he pulled out at the last moment and let it splash to the ground. He wasn’t certain if Elidibus ever came, nor did he care. His own need was met and that was all that mattered.

               The library soon echoed with laughter from Elidibus. “I must say, that took a rather unexpected turn, Archon.” He floated back up to his feet, legs a bit shaken. “…but not an unpleasant one. Mayhap I should let you take the reins every now and again.” Like before, Urianger was silent, save for his exhausted gasps for breath.

               Elidibus took his leave via his usual fashion of teleportation magicks. Finally, peace had returned to the library once more… for the time-being.


End file.
